thinking

I have been doing a lot of thinking this week about what I will do when I get the call from Boston saying that we are good to go.  What sparked this was a woman at my dialysis center getting the call from her team while getting a treatment saying to get up there as soon as possible.  Obviously she wasn't able to dance (most likely what I will do) or jump around ( also a likely option), so she sat there and just smiled for the remaining 2 hours she had in her treatment.  I guess she has gotten her hopes up before and gotten to the hospital and was told that they found something wrong with the kidney and that it isn't going to work, not this time.  She called her former dialysis center while I was getting a treatment today and was so excited to tell the staff that she had a banana for breakfast.  Oh the simple pleasures that we take for granted.

I, not in the same capacity have had a similar run in with my team when it comes to getting my hopes up.  As I have stated, and will go into greater detail soon, I am very fortunate to have qualified for a study being done at Massachusetts General Hospital.  Since it is a study, they have a number of private and Government organizations overseeing it.  This leaves a lot of people to go over the results and make decisions on what happens next.  Due to this, I have been told 3-4 times a time frame that my surgery will most likely take place in.  Any kind of major surgery is a mental triumph so I started to prepare myself for months of adversity for a LIFE time of a kind of living I have never been able to experience.  When I was told that it was pushed off for months that was very tough as there are so many aspects on my life that are on hold due to this looming major surgery.  The last time I was told the study was on hold, which was the day I started dialysis, I told myself to not even think about it and just enjoy what I am able to do now.  Not an easy thing to do, especially with the second person that I know of in failure getting their transplant, going the traditional route.  An option that I
have had for some time and can choose to exercise anytime I want.  After waiting for the over a year and a half that I have, whats another 2-3 months.

The reason that I went down this road for a post, is on a day in which i have been doing a lot of thinking about my situation, the phone rings.  Sit back down, its not the call we all wished it was but  news none the less.  Kerry Crisalli (Transplant Research Coordinator) called with an update.  The way I keep explaining whats happing right now is like congress.  They picked the hardest time of the year to gather a bunch of info and people together to review it all, with 3 major time off holidays in a one month span.  What Kerry had to say was that there is essentially 4 groups going over all the information and they all have to cross reference each others findings.  She said we should have a lot more information come February.  Which is good to hear, but at the same time i think back to all the times I got excited and then got pushed off.  I also think of the promise I made to myself to not get too excited until there is something concrete in the works for a time frame.  I also wonder if I hadent called last week to see if there was any news would I have even gotten the call today when there wasn't really all that much to report ?