one step closer

Hello all, I'm sorry I haven't been good at keeping the updates flowing.  I will get better at it, starting today with an update as to where I stand with this new study.  I was told by Marian (research nurse) about a month ago that they aren't technically allowed to officially add people to the study until the site is set up to the specifications detailed in the study.  I have been waking up every morning hoping I get a call during that day saying that they will be ready on this date and are looking to get me in there on this date.  So far nothing, by phone.  Today I got an email from Marian saying they have a meeting with the pathology lab next week (on Wednesday) and will be probably ready to go soon after and will start setting up appointments for me then.  Definitely a good surprise to get that message today with all that has been going on lately with my dialysis buddies.

The past week, and few months has been a tough mental time to be in a dialysis center.  As you might imagine, I am not your typical dialysis patient.  I am much younger and overall in much better health (kinda funny to say while in kidney failure).  By that I mean all that I have "wrong" with me right now is the kidney issues, nothing else.  Many of the fellow patients are battling different cancers, diabetes, and countless other issues.  In the last 3-4 months of the almost 9 months that I have been on dialysis, at least 5 people have passed away.  I didn't really know some of them, but it was still people that I saw 3 days a week and the way we found out was having their chair go empty when they were supposed to be getting treated.  Then this week, two of the guys that I have become pretty good friends with both went under the knife, sadly not for the surgery we are all waiting for. Both surgeries went very well and they will be back in their chairs soon.

Getting back.  When I saw Marians name appear in my inbox, I got nervous first instead of excited.  None of this still seems real.  Even though I am on dialysis and go three days a week it still doesn't feel like I will be going in for a transplant soon.  Maybe its because of how much better I feel now compared to this point last year .Or maybe its because i have been waiting for 3 years and have been told at least 6 times that we might be going forward soon to only find out there is another hold up.  Although this time feels and is different.  As the first person done at MGH, there will be no complications with other patients that holds me up.  I don't think my nervousness has anything to do with the actual surgery itself as this new study is much less invasive then the other one I was waiting for.  Nor am I afraid of the surgery because of the confidence I have in the people doing it and overseeing it.

I will end this post asking to you keep your fingers crossed that they get everything in place middle of next week so they can start scheduling appointments to get me in there as soon as possible.  I had one rule for this surgery once i was told a month or so ago that it was officially a go. Laurens sister Lisa is getting married this August so it had to happen long enough before that day that I felt well enough to go and have a good time, or it would happen after.  Thank you all for all the support you show to both me and Lauren and my family.