Perspective

The way we look at things plays a huge roll in how we get through them.  This is true for our job, personal struggles and just daily life in general.  In my case, the way I look at a looming kidney transplant and all the events that lead up to it are what make it possible for me to get through it with the positive attitude that I have been able to hold.  If someone uses a saying that I like I tend to steal it. For example, when I worked with my Uncle Tommy on the Cape, he used to always say “it is what it is”. The reason that I liked this saying is that a lot of times there are aspects of our life that we have no control over for one reason or another so getting upset, pissed or down over it doesn’t do any good and just makes things worse. The most recent saying that I have become fond of is “find the good”, which I have picked up from my incredible girlfriend, and is also one of the saying of her step moms company, Zola Goods.  No matter how crappy the situation there is good things that can come out of it so make sure you take a close look. 

 

One might think what is the positives of being 25 and in kidney failure and now tied to a dialysis machine 3 days a week.  They have a good point in asking that question, but its there, trust me.  Lets start from the beginning.  Okay, so maybe saying there are positives to being in kidney failure is a far stretch but there is good that comes out it.  For one, how many people truly know how loved and supported they are?  After the fundraiser that my family threw for me this past summer, i now know, and damn.  The number of people that showed up truly humbled me, and I know I have talked about this before but looking back on that day it still blows my mind.  I was lucky and got a disease that hasn’t really slowed me down in my life.  Anyone who has ever walked through the doors of Boston Children’s Hospital will agree that it is a hard thing to do.  There are so many kids that have such difficult diseases that their daily life is anything but normal and if I was to feel bad for myself and the circumstances that I have to deal with would be an injustice to those free spirited kids because I got off easy.  Another reason that it has its positives is I live just outside Boston.  FYI, the docs here are pretty badass, and I have the utmost confidence in them.

 

Now the positives to dialysis, and dialysis during the holidays are much easier to find,  One,  after feeling like crap for the past few months, and truly not being 100% my whole life, dialysis gives me back energy and i feel incredible.  Along that line, I had energy to do things over the holiday season that i might not have been able to do, most important to me is I got to spend the holidays with Lauren and my family and friends.  Alternative, feeling good and in a hospital room by myself.  Yes I will be able to have visitors but that’s obviously not the same.  Yes i wish i had my transplant when they first told me to get ready almost a year ago so i was just about out of the recovery time, but it wasn’t meant to be.  The reason that the study was placed on hold is two of the participants rejected their new kidneys months after they were supposed to be out of that risk period one having to get a traditional transplant after all.  Obviously not something I want for myself, so by giving them time to figure out what might have caused that to happen will make it so i don’t have to go down that road myself.

 

What prompted this post was the fact that I had to go for a dialysis treatment on both Christmas Eve and New Years Eve and neither one bothered me and how surprised people were by that.  I had to be at my treatments before 6am on both those days so its not like it cut into my celebration plans.  Secondly, Lauren was able to come with me.  Yes we slept most of the time but there is something about having her there with me that just makes the time go by faster.  We were also voted cutest couple in dialysis on Christmas Eve, we were the only couple there but I’m still chalking it up as a victory. (see picture below) Due to the fact that I had treatments on those days, I was able to eat a lot more than I would have been able to due to my dietary restrictions.  Something I have become quite annoyed by.  As I said in the update email I sent out this past week, I hope everyone had a good holiday.  One of my new years resolutions is to get one post in a week, might not be as long and in depth as these have been but there will still be plenty to talk about now that Jersey Shore is well into its season and for some reason is causing a pandemic across the country.